A friend on Facebook asked if it was okay to narrow in on her own happy life with the awful stuff going on around the world. She cited an Australian boy who was swept away after he insisted rescuers pick up his brother first. Then a friend chimed in with footage of a girl trying to save herself and her dog in South American floods. She had to let her dog go to save herself.
How do we deal with this?
It is, probably, a little easier if they are not young. But not always.
I think we have to care, however sad. I also think we have to care about what is going on in our own lives.
If there is something we can do, well, we must.
Today, things go well. Tomorrow--hopefully the same. But we love each other. We love our neighbors.
My own life is happy currently. Mud slides won't crush us. Tornadoes, and other events, could.
What I have, what the victims had, is today. Let us make use of it. Let us say "I love you" every time. It could be the last chance we have,
And that is not a sadness. It actually is a way of life. I try to make sure I say it with every person I love in conversations. It makes me feel better. And if anything happens to me, I hope it will comfort them.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
For God's Sake, Don't Confuse Us With the Facts
Coverage of the Giffords shooting has frustrated me profoundly. Substance makes up less than half the coverage I've been able to find. Spin has covered far more. Opinion, argument.
It's gossip, masquerading as journalism. It obscures the truth.
I spent an hour yesterday researching news stories, videos, 911 calls, the Arizona Statesman, the local publication that, of all media involved, should have had an in-depth account and timeline of Saturday. I couldn't find it. Maybe it is there--my online research techniques are not stellar. My point is, the information shouldn't have been that hard to find.
I have heard or found two references to a woman "who tried to prevent the shooter from reloading". What did she do? what happened? I assume it was about the same time "two people" one report said, and "two men" in another tackled him and restrained him until law enforcement arrived. Then what happened? I've seen a full feature on Danny Hernandez, who rushed to his boss when she was shot and used his previous experience as a medic to try to stabilize her, in spite of continuing gunfire. No one has identified the three who actually intervened in a slaughter. It's as if they were some random piano who fell on his head.
What happened Saturday morning? We've gotten the sound bites, and then off to the glitz-the nine-year-old girl, which indeed is a heartbreaker--BUT! she is also the granddaughter of someone famous. What happened to the neighbor who took her along? A judge died, but so did three women who were older, apparently ordinary citizens, and beyond their names being listed among the dead, have gotten no attention. The headlines I see. The stories, I can't find.
In hindsight it seems likely that the shooter may have schizoid symptoms. Not uncommon in tragedies like this. Often, the families have been trying to get help for the person for a long time. If they are over 18, this isn't easy. We got the peers saying how weird he was, and all the excited rhetoric that goes with it. There is a lot more to THAT story, too.
But the media is thundering off to the next stories. Is it Sarah Palin's fault? Is it the left? the right? the tea party? Arizona gun laws? Almost before the bleeding bodies are carried from the scene, it's all about the spin, how this helps this point of view or that. There is a great deal of opinion, but very little truth, or facts, in all that.
Chaotic, shocking events like this don't have all the facts immediately, It seems, however, more should be available.
Facts? Who has time for those? After the bare facts, journalists have leaped to the spin pieces. He came, he shot, he was stopped. Now here's what I or X, Y, or Z thinks this means, or shows.
There's a loss of freedom in this. Not just in this one incident, but in the trend it signifies. I can still find a lot of information on the internet and in news coverage, but increasingly it is slanted, leaves out information, or includes opinions as if they were facts. Or, perhaps, maybe I just notice it more.
Of course, one person's facts are another person's opinions.
Even mine.
It's gossip, masquerading as journalism. It obscures the truth.
I spent an hour yesterday researching news stories, videos, 911 calls, the Arizona Statesman, the local publication that, of all media involved, should have had an in-depth account and timeline of Saturday. I couldn't find it. Maybe it is there--my online research techniques are not stellar. My point is, the information shouldn't have been that hard to find.
I have heard or found two references to a woman "who tried to prevent the shooter from reloading". What did she do? what happened? I assume it was about the same time "two people" one report said, and "two men" in another tackled him and restrained him until law enforcement arrived. Then what happened? I've seen a full feature on Danny Hernandez, who rushed to his boss when she was shot and used his previous experience as a medic to try to stabilize her, in spite of continuing gunfire. No one has identified the three who actually intervened in a slaughter. It's as if they were some random piano who fell on his head.
What happened Saturday morning? We've gotten the sound bites, and then off to the glitz-the nine-year-old girl, which indeed is a heartbreaker--BUT! she is also the granddaughter of someone famous. What happened to the neighbor who took her along? A judge died, but so did three women who were older, apparently ordinary citizens, and beyond their names being listed among the dead, have gotten no attention. The headlines I see. The stories, I can't find.
In hindsight it seems likely that the shooter may have schizoid symptoms. Not uncommon in tragedies like this. Often, the families have been trying to get help for the person for a long time. If they are over 18, this isn't easy. We got the peers saying how weird he was, and all the excited rhetoric that goes with it. There is a lot more to THAT story, too.
But the media is thundering off to the next stories. Is it Sarah Palin's fault? Is it the left? the right? the tea party? Arizona gun laws? Almost before the bleeding bodies are carried from the scene, it's all about the spin, how this helps this point of view or that. There is a great deal of opinion, but very little truth, or facts, in all that.
Chaotic, shocking events like this don't have all the facts immediately, It seems, however, more should be available.
Facts? Who has time for those? After the bare facts, journalists have leaped to the spin pieces. He came, he shot, he was stopped. Now here's what I or X, Y, or Z thinks this means, or shows.
There's a loss of freedom in this. Not just in this one incident, but in the trend it signifies. I can still find a lot of information on the internet and in news coverage, but increasingly it is slanted, leaves out information, or includes opinions as if they were facts. Or, perhaps, maybe I just notice it more.
Of course, one person's facts are another person's opinions.
Even mine.
Friday, January 7, 2011
How To Deal When Parents Aren't Immortal
All of us lose our parents.
According to Francine Russo, never in history have so many of us had to deal with the declining health of our much older parents. At the same time, our culture belatedly is realizing the profit in providing services for the grey-haired halt, lame and the mentaly challenged.
In other words, the agony of diminished parents is probably gonna cost you. If you have siblings, the joint consensus in health care for a parent may cause time, grief, angst, confusion, and even possible expensive legal maneuverings. There is also a very real possibility, however, that all this cost leaves you with fellow adult children you can share the rest of your life with.
The book is "They're Your Parents Too!" or "How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents' Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy" by Francine Russo.
My father died when I was 19. My mother died when I was 35. I was the only surviving child. So why my interest?
I do a lot of volunteer work with persons in crisis. I lived in a retirement village for three years, observing the decline of some delightful people in their 80s and 90s. I have seen, firsthand in the last year, how siblings--loving siblings--have responded in the emergency of the sudden illness (months only) and death of women 74 and 90.
As Russo notes, we aren't always talking about the loss of our mothers, but typically, women outlast fathers, whether married to them or divorced.
IF you are able to be introspective at all, this book is incredibly valuable and cuts new ground.
If you have parents aging but in good health, it is excellent preparation ground. It is a book I would want to read if my own parent or parents were waning, or if my siblings and I were having trouble communicating or deciding how bad things are. It isn't a be-all by any means. It does offer resources for evaluation and possible outside help. As an aging parent myself, I find it valuable in potential decisions that will affect my sons and daughter-in-law.
Every country in the world is dealing with this problem of the first large-sized generation old enough to need longterm help from children still supporting their own children into adulthood.
I haven't finished the book yet. I am just now going into the chapters on dementia, which affects 40 per cent of the aging. I confined my own mother at 57 with dementia. She died at 71. In her time, there was no assisted living. Only a nursing home. And I was lucky to find the one I did.
I can't find the portfolio with the poems I wrote from that time. But I remember the beginning of the one I want:
"A shadow lives who used to call me daughter.
She, who has no memories, is one...."
My own sibs died before my memory begins. Reading this book, I see they still were a part of my journey. And that maybe there are things I can still do with adult sons to make my children's future better. Or maybe not. But I can try.
It is a very good read. I will stuff it down the throat of every volunteer and professional caregiver I know. Unless you are a self-absorbed narcissist or have NO family, You I will skip.
READ IT. Even if your parents are gone.
Really.
According to Francine Russo, never in history have so many of us had to deal with the declining health of our much older parents. At the same time, our culture belatedly is realizing the profit in providing services for the grey-haired halt, lame and the mentaly challenged.
In other words, the agony of diminished parents is probably gonna cost you. If you have siblings, the joint consensus in health care for a parent may cause time, grief, angst, confusion, and even possible expensive legal maneuverings. There is also a very real possibility, however, that all this cost leaves you with fellow adult children you can share the rest of your life with.
The book is "They're Your Parents Too!" or "How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents' Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy" by Francine Russo.
My father died when I was 19. My mother died when I was 35. I was the only surviving child. So why my interest?
I do a lot of volunteer work with persons in crisis. I lived in a retirement village for three years, observing the decline of some delightful people in their 80s and 90s. I have seen, firsthand in the last year, how siblings--loving siblings--have responded in the emergency of the sudden illness (months only) and death of women 74 and 90.
As Russo notes, we aren't always talking about the loss of our mothers, but typically, women outlast fathers, whether married to them or divorced.
IF you are able to be introspective at all, this book is incredibly valuable and cuts new ground.
If you have parents aging but in good health, it is excellent preparation ground. It is a book I would want to read if my own parent or parents were waning, or if my siblings and I were having trouble communicating or deciding how bad things are. It isn't a be-all by any means. It does offer resources for evaluation and possible outside help. As an aging parent myself, I find it valuable in potential decisions that will affect my sons and daughter-in-law.
Every country in the world is dealing with this problem of the first large-sized generation old enough to need longterm help from children still supporting their own children into adulthood.
I haven't finished the book yet. I am just now going into the chapters on dementia, which affects 40 per cent of the aging. I confined my own mother at 57 with dementia. She died at 71. In her time, there was no assisted living. Only a nursing home. And I was lucky to find the one I did.
I can't find the portfolio with the poems I wrote from that time. But I remember the beginning of the one I want:
"A shadow lives who used to call me daughter.
She, who has no memories, is one...."
My own sibs died before my memory begins. Reading this book, I see they still were a part of my journey. And that maybe there are things I can still do with adult sons to make my children's future better. Or maybe not. But I can try.
It is a very good read. I will stuff it down the throat of every volunteer and professional caregiver I know. Unless you are a self-absorbed narcissist or have NO family, You I will skip.
READ IT. Even if your parents are gone.
Really.
Friday, December 31, 2010
May the Road Fall Before Ye
Here it is. The new year! Woohoo!
Not just one month slipping into another, but a mankind-given chance to stop, assess and start over. Great!
In my youth and middle age, I loved to go out. To party, except I almost never had a hangover. I don't do excess very well. Tonight I will snuggle in and drink some wine and then, tomorrow, clean up the detritus of Christmas and gird up for the new year. I already have four meetings planned. Next week. Not every week --just next week.
New Year's. It's like some wonderful package I'm itching to tear into.
And we all will.
This was a really good year. I bought my house--a surprise. good health. good friendships and some old ones revived. some good projects completed. Enough money to pay the bills. People to hug, including family. new friends. And I also lost four friends who were deeply important to me.
Funny about aging. I take comfort from the memories of these lost friends and add to the joys of what I gained. Yeah. It was a really good year.
The joys are just pure, shining silver. The sadnesses have a silver lining that adds to the weight of the joys.
May you have a year that shines, through tears or sunshine.
Not just one month slipping into another, but a mankind-given chance to stop, assess and start over. Great!
In my youth and middle age, I loved to go out. To party, except I almost never had a hangover. I don't do excess very well. Tonight I will snuggle in and drink some wine and then, tomorrow, clean up the detritus of Christmas and gird up for the new year. I already have four meetings planned. Next week. Not every week --just next week.
New Year's. It's like some wonderful package I'm itching to tear into.
And we all will.
This was a really good year. I bought my house--a surprise. good health. good friendships and some old ones revived. some good projects completed. Enough money to pay the bills. People to hug, including family. new friends. And I also lost four friends who were deeply important to me.
Funny about aging. I take comfort from the memories of these lost friends and add to the joys of what I gained. Yeah. It was a really good year.
The joys are just pure, shining silver. The sadnesses have a silver lining that adds to the weight of the joys.
May you have a year that shines, through tears or sunshine.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The End is not always The End
Went to a funeral today. Yeah, I know. I've had a lot of those this year.
I didn't know the deceased at all well. Have known his wife for decades.
The thing is, when you are dealing with an aging population, nowadays, you have several participants who are wearing hats because they are in chemo. They have no hair. But they have hope. And they are feeling well enough to attend.
A lot of cancer gets cured or postponed today. The deceased didn't have cancer. He died from surgical reasons. He was 82. That is okay. The infection--not so okay. So.
He died a week ago and was cremated. I want cremation myself, and wonder how our care of the dead will go. I know personally, I want the least expense. The body is the leftovers. The spirit is where the spirit goes. No cost. Shoudn't be.
I expect God to be with me when I die. What happens after happens. I don't know. I do know my present life is better with God in it. When I meditate. When I pray. When I ask forgiveness.
I KNOW God will be with me as I die. Afterwards, eh. Up to God. Much of what my fellow Christians believe, I do not. Doesn't scare me. Nor do I want to contradict others who believe otherwise.
But I do believe in spirituality. I do believe in God. As a Christian, I also believe in Jesus, but I don't believe he negates the other paths to God. We have muscles. We have brains, We also have spirit. And it is a separate mileau from muscles or emotion or logic. If you have not experienced it, you can scoff. If you have... you smile. there is no argument.
I didn't know the deceased at all well. Have known his wife for decades.
The thing is, when you are dealing with an aging population, nowadays, you have several participants who are wearing hats because they are in chemo. They have no hair. But they have hope. And they are feeling well enough to attend.
A lot of cancer gets cured or postponed today. The deceased didn't have cancer. He died from surgical reasons. He was 82. That is okay. The infection--not so okay. So.
He died a week ago and was cremated. I want cremation myself, and wonder how our care of the dead will go. I know personally, I want the least expense. The body is the leftovers. The spirit is where the spirit goes. No cost. Shoudn't be.
I expect God to be with me when I die. What happens after happens. I don't know. I do know my present life is better with God in it. When I meditate. When I pray. When I ask forgiveness.
I KNOW God will be with me as I die. Afterwards, eh. Up to God. Much of what my fellow Christians believe, I do not. Doesn't scare me. Nor do I want to contradict others who believe otherwise.
But I do believe in spirituality. I do believe in God. As a Christian, I also believe in Jesus, but I don't believe he negates the other paths to God. We have muscles. We have brains, We also have spirit. And it is a separate mileau from muscles or emotion or logic. If you have not experienced it, you can scoff. If you have... you smile. there is no argument.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Learning to see outside the box
I think it is great that so many come together for toys for children at Christmas.
In fact, I took my own Angel tree kid and got her a Dora Explorer doll, toy, coloring book and crayons. But the food bank that issued these also has a clothing bank. So I am pretty sure she has a warm coat and a few new clothes (or gently worn). And her parents got some food if they needed--beyond Christmas baskets, day to day things like peanut butter and jelly, cereal, canned meats and vegetables, even toilet paper. I know because as a community, we donate it all year long.
I do it through my church.
But it isn't only the little kids. Teenagers need stuff, too. Razors and shaving cream. New shirts and jeans. Hairdryers. Body wash. Cheap calculators for school. Earrings for the girls, aftershave for the boys. Coats in cold weather. Sometimes backpacks. CDs. clock radios. Hair bows, headbands, even some of that gel stuff. Lip gloss.
In my area, the state provides duffel bags for the belongings when foster kids move. Used to be garbage bags. This is better.
Most are generous. Sometimes a Grinch or two wraps up rags or garbage, wraps it pretty and turns it in as an Angel Tree donation. I don't get it, but some do it. So the gifts are now asked to be turned in unwrapped.
Recently, I saw a woman with so very little take an Angel Tree kid off the list. She wanted to. She will sacrifice to do it. I honor her. With her income, it means cutting severely into any treats for the next month. Or two. But she wanted to. And she smiled so happy.
Christmas.
What does it mean? What do we do?
A little more.
Each year, a little more.
.
In fact, I took my own Angel tree kid and got her a Dora Explorer doll, toy, coloring book and crayons. But the food bank that issued these also has a clothing bank. So I am pretty sure she has a warm coat and a few new clothes (or gently worn). And her parents got some food if they needed--beyond Christmas baskets, day to day things like peanut butter and jelly, cereal, canned meats and vegetables, even toilet paper. I know because as a community, we donate it all year long.
I do it through my church.
But it isn't only the little kids. Teenagers need stuff, too. Razors and shaving cream. New shirts and jeans. Hairdryers. Body wash. Cheap calculators for school. Earrings for the girls, aftershave for the boys. Coats in cold weather. Sometimes backpacks. CDs. clock radios. Hair bows, headbands, even some of that gel stuff. Lip gloss.
In my area, the state provides duffel bags for the belongings when foster kids move. Used to be garbage bags. This is better.
Most are generous. Sometimes a Grinch or two wraps up rags or garbage, wraps it pretty and turns it in as an Angel Tree donation. I don't get it, but some do it. So the gifts are now asked to be turned in unwrapped.
Recently, I saw a woman with so very little take an Angel Tree kid off the list. She wanted to. She will sacrifice to do it. I honor her. With her income, it means cutting severely into any treats for the next month. Or two. But she wanted to. And she smiled so happy.
Christmas.
What does it mean? What do we do?
A little more.
Each year, a little more.
.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Want some fruit with that?
Christmas is coming. I still have gifts to wrap and baking to do, but I am confident this year I will be ready before it gets here.
Here in the Southwest, as in the South, we love our fruit salad. A friend recently served one I in turn took to a Christmas party. I like the dressing better than any other I have had. Goes well with the ham, or even with Great-aunt Bertha's melt-in-your-mouth pound cake. It's another internet prize. It's fast, delicious and can be made ahead--just add the dressing and banana just before serving. Other fruits can be substituted, but these are easy, can be bought ahead and kept in the pantry when ready.
For 6-8 persons, Refreshing Fruit Salad
1 (11 oz) can mandarin oranges, drained well
1 (8 oz)can pineapple chunks, drained well
1 medium banana, sliced
1/2 Cup seedless grapes, halved
Dressing:
3 Tablespoons Hellman's mayo (for best results)
3 Tablespoons sour cream
1 Tablespoon honey.
Mix thoroughly
add 1/4 Cup chopped walnuts
1/4 cup flaked coconut
Refrigerate all.
Add dressing and sliced banana just before serving. (For banana, you can slice early and thoroughly coat with lemon or lime juice to prevent browning, if you wish)
Frankly, this will go well with any poultry, as well. I had some fresh mint to use for garnish. It was both pretty and tasty.
Here in the Southwest, as in the South, we love our fruit salad. A friend recently served one I in turn took to a Christmas party. I like the dressing better than any other I have had. Goes well with the ham, or even with Great-aunt Bertha's melt-in-your-mouth pound cake. It's another internet prize. It's fast, delicious and can be made ahead--just add the dressing and banana just before serving. Other fruits can be substituted, but these are easy, can be bought ahead and kept in the pantry when ready.
For 6-8 persons, Refreshing Fruit Salad
1 (11 oz) can mandarin oranges, drained well
1 (8 oz)can pineapple chunks, drained well
1 medium banana, sliced
1/2 Cup seedless grapes, halved
Dressing:
3 Tablespoons Hellman's mayo (for best results)
3 Tablespoons sour cream
1 Tablespoon honey.
Mix thoroughly
add 1/4 Cup chopped walnuts
1/4 cup flaked coconut
Refrigerate all.
Add dressing and sliced banana just before serving. (For banana, you can slice early and thoroughly coat with lemon or lime juice to prevent browning, if you wish)
Frankly, this will go well with any poultry, as well. I had some fresh mint to use for garnish. It was both pretty and tasty.
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