Great Expectations

How do I say this?

I never set out to be a "sweet woman." It still sounds vaguely cloying. Like candy. We all know candy isn't strong. It crumbles. It doesn't nourish. It's just...sweet.

Over time, however, I've met some incredibly sweet men and women. Not a one of them have been weak. On the contrary. They have dealt with difficult people, heartbreaking events in their lives, and managed to see good anyway. They can be amazingly patient. They can stick to their goals and responsibilities.

When you are with them, you just feel a sort of safeness. They can be funny, even bawdy, but you aren't on guard waiting for the zinger. It isn't coming. Oh, they can suffer. They can get angry. They just don't destroy with it. They don't smash things or people. And they never blame a child for a grownup reaction.

They aren't doormats. And negativity is something they simply step away from, because for them, it just doesn't reasonate.

Most are fairly quiet persons, because they are the listeners, not the talkers. They have great smiles. Many give great hugs.

I sometimes suffer negative vibes, wanting to snarl and complain. More and more, these times feel like a particularly nasty virus that feels really icky. (To me, icky implies sticky, nasty bad. Putrid.) It can last awhile. Depends on me.

To be really negative takes a tremendous amount of self-centeredness. You really have to get into the zone where no one else really matters. That's pretty sick. We do it. Sometimes.

But the people I think are really sweet--I don't catch them doing this. They don't stew over negative people or events. They also don't spend unnecessary time around them. Sometimes you have to deal with a negative person because he or she is the boss. That's tough. It's also survivable.

I never aspired to be sweet. I'm beginning to mature enough to find it a really healthy, fun way to live when I do it right.

I laughed to myself yesterday, mulling this in my mind. I am not sure I have said what I want to say yet.

But I think I am jusssst about ready to wear big girl panties.