Saturday, October 29, 2011

When you wish the vet lived next door

Call to vet:
Doctor, do I need to worry about my puppy's nutrition? I mean, I give her the recommended puppy chow. You approved it. Most of the time she eats it. But sometimes she doesn't.

What does she eat? Well, she gets a lot of fiber. Mostly, you know, from paper and cardboard. I worry about that. Seems to fill her up too much. Not enough vitamins. Well, and she eats pencils, and wallboard--not too much, you understand, but I imagine it is filling. And my rug has a hole in it.

Diarrhea? Constipation? Oh, no. No problem. She poops in the yard like usual. So long as the good Lord sends rain once in a while, she doesn't give me more work. I really don't need more work.

I never feed her from the table. Ever. But she keeps jumping up. Well, she's 6 months old now. If I keep saying no, won't she stop?

Does she need broccoli and squash? I mean, to counteract the book covers, you know, and the mail? She likes raw carrots, I know. When I make a salad, occasionally a slice falls on the floor.

Well, all the books she has chewed are new, so no lead poisoning there. As for human food, the other night I fixed green chile stew for supper with light toasted sourdough bread. She stole the bread. Twice. I never caught her. Is that too much carbohydrates?

And that time she ate the dark chocolate Dove bar? I always keep my purse zipped now, and it was only half a bar, honest. and she never got sick.

I'm sorry. I have to go now. She's beginning to chew on the wirin


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